


Tangent

by maizonos



Series: BBB Fest (December 2019 - March 2020) [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Character Study, Flashbacks, Gen, Internal Monologue, Introspection, No mathematics, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-23 09:29:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23209312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maizonos/pseuds/maizonos
Summary: In geometry, the tangent line to a point on a curve is the straight line that just touches the curve at that point.If Woojin was the curve, then perhaps Chan was the tangent.
Relationships: Bang Chan & Kim Woojin
Series: BBB Fest (December 2019 - March 2020) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1582750
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6
Collections: BBBFest Debut Round: The Bittersweet Option





	Tangent

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second BBB Fest fic.
> 
> 28/11/2020: I know that months after this was posted, we found out some more about what happened with Woojin, but considering that I never meant for this to follow exactly what happened for Stray Kids, I won't change or delete the fic, but I have removed the Canon Compliant tag. I'm not changing my end notes so you can still see how I shaped this fic to fit the squares I filled on my bingo card.

The computer monitor stares back at him. Blank. Normally at this time of the night, Chan would be full of inspiration for new music. Tonight, however, is not one of those nights.

Chan groans, shakes his head in an attempt to reactivate his mind. It's not like he's that tired, given that they'd had comparatively little practice this week. He hasn't worked out in a month either. However, his body still seems completely drained of energy. If it weren’t for the deadline, he’d let himself forget about rearranging the songs, even if it was just for a while.

Sighing, Chan rubs his face and clicks on the folder containing the songs that he had sent in for approval for their new album not long ago. They had been perfect. Chan had poured hours of work into them, so it's not surprising that he hates that he can't keep them the way they are. He's not one for blaming people, but he can't help but feel that this is his fault. He let this happen, so he has to deal with the consequences. He's the leader after all. He's got eight, no, seven boys who he needs to take care of.

Admittedly it's not that much work on his part right now. Just figure out what needs to be changed in each track, decide who needs to sing some more to replace what can no longer remain, then get those members to come in and record those parts before he adds them in and polishes up the whole thing. He's had to change songs before, of course, but this is different. This time, he's deliberately changing all the parts of the new songs where there's a particular voice. It isn't just different, it's torture.

Chan has always loved Woojin's singing. Probably always will. As he makes a copy of each song, Chan inhales deeply. There’s no way he’s going to delete these original versions. He’ll keep them, even if he can never share them with the world. He scans the titles with tired eyes. The penultimate track, in particular, has the most ironic name. “You Can STAY”...well, Woojin sure didn't. He could've stayed, Chan reminds himself, he just decided that he couldn’t take any more of this.

The heaviness of his heart almost makes him keep part of Woojin’s vocals in the songs, but he knows that if Stays find out, it could be even more upsetting. He doesn’t really know, his mind’s turned into even more of a mess by this point, and he knows that Stays are confused and lost as well. Either way, he’ll get told off if anyone finds out and it’s not worth taking this risk.

Identifying every part that needs to be recorded again, Chan makes notes on which members have the most suitable voices to replace those parts. While it would normally be nice to have more lines, this time that's not the case. Chan can hardly imagine how they'll all be feeling when they have to record these new parts in the next few days. It'll probably be quiet, with no one daring to talk about anything other than the songs. Chan hates the image, hates the situation they're all in, but he doesn't hate Woojin and doesn't hate the company either for letting him leave.

Deciding that there's nothing else that he can do - about both the songs and the whole Woojin leaving thing - Chan starts to shut his computer down. He'd better head back to the dorm, try to get some sleep now and leave his more annoying thoughts to remove themselves from existence, hopefully. The dim lighting of the room sure is making him extra groggy and he’s aware that there might be members waiting for his return. He wishes they could all wait for Woojin’s return too, but there’s no point in trying.

Just as he's about to stand up, he hears footsteps outside, pausing right when they get loudest for a moment, and then continuing. Maybe it's another member finishing up practice and considering checking in on Chan. He knows the others had all been hit hard by this, and as a result, many of them tried to distract themselves by delving deeper into bettering their skills, giving up the sleep they could be having. It's unhealthy, Chan is aware, but he doesn't think he's ready to sit down and talk to them about it yet. For now, he'll let them use whatever methods they think will help them with coping. He doesn't think they're ready to hear that Chan had known about Woojin wanting to leave much earlier than they had either and it’s not like Chan isn’t always risking his health for his music.

For a moment, he wonders if that had been Woojin. But that's silly and highly unlikely. While it's true that Woojin was the third most likely person to visit - after Changbin and Jisung - some months back, that changed after he first revealed to Chan that he wished to leave the group. Woojin would always slink into the room, not really there for anything other than to accompany Chan as he worked late into the night.

"Can't sleep again?" Chan would ask.

"Sort of," Woojin would reply. "Thought you were feeling lonely too."

"Ahh...I'm not really lonely, but it's nice to have you around, even if it's just for a bit." Chan would smile gratefully and continue working with Woojin silently watching.

But this was now turning into a faded memory. Woojin, naturally, found it safest to confide in Chan about thinking about pursuing a career as a soloist instead. Maybe Chan shouldn't have said anything when he found out, but it troubled him to the point where he kept pestering Woojin, urging him not to leave them. It was an incredibly selfish thing to do, but that was what he'd done. As a result of his panic, Chan spent the last few months arguing with Woojin frequently despite wanting to keep things calm and let Woojin make the decision himself. It wasn't so much about what would happen to the group or their beloved Stays - god, even their fandom name set off alarms in Chan's head - but it was more about how Chan just didn't want Woojin to leave. The prospect of losing a member was, of course, devastating to a devoted leader like Chan.

Was it even fair for him to be concerned about Woojin now? Chan knew that he'd been the one who had bothered Woojin the most about the idea of leaving. Woojin still wanted out, however, and had probably felt worse because of Chan. He might even have left earlier if it hadn't been for Chan. Guilt washes over Chan, his stomach convulsing painfully. Perhaps all the arguing had been a mistake, even if he had initially thought it to be worth a shot, even if it had succeeded in keeping Woojin with them just for a while longer.

Woojin had started off with bringing up how burnt out he felt. He felt like the energy had been wrung out of him completely and nothing was helping him. It was to the point that he questioned whether he loved performing as much as he used to think he did. Chan had been at a loss when he heard that, and encouraged Woojin to keep working hard. It would pay off soon, when they reached a higher level of success, they'd certainly be able to get some more rest.

It wasn't that though, Woojin had said. Things simply didn't seem right for him at all. It had nothing to do with success. This perplexed Chan slightly, but he said nothing of it when Woojin moved on to talking about something else that day.

A month or two after they'd announced their fandom name, Woojin quietly followed Chan to the studio. It was then that he confessed that he wouldn't be able to keep in line with their fandom name.

"I really can't, Chan," he'd said, facing the floor. Chan couldn't see what the expression on his face was, but it was probably for the best that he didn't see it. "I have to go. I don't want to leave you guys, but it's the only way. I don't want to imagine what'll happen to me if I don't do something. You guys didn't do anything wrong… I just...feel contained in the worst sort of way. I don't know how to explain it, that's just the way it's been for a long time."

Maybe a bit irritated at the time, Chan began reminding him curtly about how this was what idol life was like. Hadn't Woojin trained long enough? Shouldn't he understand that, especially if it had been his dream to become an idol?

Woojin wasn't annoyed by Chan's response per se, but trying to reason with an unreasonable Chan led to a high level of tension between them at all times, even when they were supposedly enjoying other things like interacting with fans or eating chicken together.

That had started nearly a year before he actually left, Chan realises. Woojin had kept going for a year, battling with Chan almost every time it was just the two of them, but not making a move and not telling anyone else either.

Knowing that dwelling on this will change nothing, Chan finally makes it out of the chair that had sucked him in for the last few minutes and to the door. He flicks his eyes back to check that he's left nothing behind in the room, except for, hopefully, his emotions. He finds himself hoping that Woojin would suddenly appear again, maybe on the stool he would always be perched on, or in the nearby room where he would practice his singing every so often.

But Woojin had left the dorm that morning, with all his things. Chan has no idea how he had managed to pack his stuff up so fast, but it made sense. Woojin probably didn't want to stay any longer. His happiness lay outside, in a beautiful pathway that didn't include the rest of Stray Kids. It had taken very long, but Chan understood that now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Any constructive criticism or feedback is welcome. :D
> 
> Here are the squares of my BBB Fest bingo card that this fic fits if you're curious:  
> \- members leaving and group continuing  
> Woojin left, and Stray Kids continues to promote. Chan reflects on this and what it changes about their group.  
> \- fitting arguments around celeb schedule  
> After Woojin opened up to Chan about not feeling right as a member of Stray Kids, Chan ended up arguing with him frequently to try and persuade him to stay, to the point that it damaged the bond between them.  
> \- can't open up because of your leader responsibilities  
> Chan cares about his members greatly, but has difficulty talking about his own problems and currently prefers to just leave the others be so they can all do whatever will help them to come to terms with Woojin's departure.
> 
> Twitter: [hchaes](https://twitter.com/hchaes)  
> CuriousCat: [hchaes](https://curiouscat.me)


End file.
